Although I seem to prefer a shower, this time I took a candlelit bath with Buddha. I noticed how the wick of the candle needs to place it's energy on one side in order for it to keep its flame. The beautiful music may have tuned me into some magic but it dawned on me that the workings of nature seem to reflect the laws that govern us all. Just like the wick needs to focus its efforts, almost pick a side to create a flame - so do we. And so it seems an illusion that we can sit on the fence, or scatter ourselves, or stand rigid yet still keep our flame. In short: in order to shine, the flame teaches us that we cannot be afraid to take our path, choose our side, for fear of missing out on what's on the other side of the candle wick!
We all have at some point questioned the meaning of life. Whether it's to conclude there isn't meaning or there is, the questions have no doubt crossed all our minds. But what about not life?
I guess lately, I have been grappling with the fear of death. As my consciousness expands, in keeping with the trends of our time, so too does my awareness of my breath, my heartbeat. The fear of finiteness of my body and the very hands that write this. One day this body will cease to function and with it the physical me that is me in this life will go with. And what a thing that is. Everything that you know to exist will cease to be at some point and therefore living is total courage. Living is to know and to learn an experience and to master it optimally only for it to suddenly end. How selfless of every living thing then to carry on existing when it knows that one day, it just won't! Even the potential prey of a lion knows to fear a lion because it knows that the lion can cause end to his existance. Yet even this prey strives to live, to bloom, despite its inevitable end. So no matter what living being you are, you know that living is temporary, yet strive nonetheless with immense courage to give it your best, when death is the outcome anyway.
Why the morbid topic? Because there is a part of me afraid of death. Afraid of not existing- afraid of not being courageous enough to live fully. Meditation even makes me fear because it forces so much attention on my breath and then in its very essence causing complete attention to the nature of my finiteness. The acute attention to my signs of life, immediately make aware of how vulnerable I am, a small body, in a great big universe. It brings me to the present moment - to the epitome of courage that NOW I am alive. And what matters is now. Because in a temporary world nothing else exists. And so I need to remind my fearing self to come to the present, and sit here courageously!
my wild heart ❤
Why is the Buddha in this story dusty, has no feather duster visited his dust in a while. Well, precisely my friends., because for the last while I haven't cleaned out my mind - I have let myself wonder far down the rabbit hole, far into the darkness that dust creates when you allow the thoughts in your mind to cloud the vision of the perfect creation that you are.
And trust me - I certainly don't want to bore you with hippy dippy shit. If that's what you want to call it. But I do wish to pay homage to the vital spiritual lessons I have learnt along the way, as that while I may have not been using my feather duster I certainly was gathering a whole lot of dust in the form of unbelievable experiences. And oh my, am I thankful. I am filled with gratitude in fact!
But I should never have steered away from my writing - I should have given life to the dust, so that the dust could shift and move and be. Instead I come to you now dusty to the brim and I use this page here as my feather duster.
It is hard to dust when you haven't used a feather duster in a while. And just the same - its hard to write honestly when you haven't written in a while, and when you haven't been honest in a while.
I got distracted. I was chasing all the wrong things. The "outer" things that steer you from yourself. I was obsessed with climbing the ladder of my outside world that I have forgotten to pay attention to what is inside. And its now when I begin to dust even so lightly I can see how much beauty was hidden beneath.
Yet another shoe related post - completely accidental - but this time - saying goodbye to the shoes that have walked quite a journey with me. Call me sentimental, but they have been a tough pair to say goodbye to!
Little did I know, just under two years ago, that the moment these shoes and I became aquainted, would coincidentally be the moment my whole journey was going to change, and what would happen next would be a catalyst moment which would define so much of who I was to become. I remember them being there, and I remember the days that followed. Since then - whenever I have needed comfort, a reminder, a friend, who has seen my story almost just as well as I have - I turn to these shoes - my little suede ankle boots -a friend like none I'd imagine of shoes - walking with me on some very hard steps.
Quite literally, they felt the ground with me - and often for me, softening the blows, and I came to rely on these boots - the boots that had walked with me through so much.
Sometimes little tangible treasures are the only witnesses that have seen what we have, that their presence, even though inanimate - is so real, so needed, so comforting. But just as we must learn to consolidate the lessons of our past, we should let go of our tangible need to validate our experiences, as our journey lives within us - just as real as we are. And so I say thank you - and farewell to you my lovely suede dreams, I have worn you through as you so often kept my feet on the ground.
On some sunny day stroll through east London, I wanted to get a feel for what it was all about - east London - the new revolution? Or the on going revolution? It kind of takes me into what would have been the 60's or 70's, where there is a kind of awakening, a willingness to change things, and at that core, is the ethos of My Wild Heart.
And so it begins, and as My Wild Heart launches its new website, and embarks on many new exciting projects, it invites you all to join on a journey into the wilderness, a world of possibility, hope and change.
From my first encounters with fashion, making a dress at age 5, and sleepless nights wondering what I would call my label if I ever had the courage to do it, I decided to go to university and study psychology instead. But my dream kept calling and on what should have been my frolicking, youthful college weekends, I went to fashion school where my passion grew. After graduating from university and fashion school at the same time, I went straight to London.
While there, I did little internships and jobs in the fashion industry, before running out of the fashion world as fast as my legs could carry me, saying “this is not for me!” I went on to do my masters in something totally unrelated to any making of clothes; but my heart knew better. Then, when the moment came, the big moment that defined all others, I had to ask myself the question: "What do you want to be?", the reply was simple: “I want to be me”.
And so, I dusted off my sewing machine and worked tirelessly to pull together my first range, piece by piece.
My Wild Heart is about a voice, an emancipated heart - it’s a joyful plea for freedom. It is about the dream, the pursuit of the dream and honouring our heart, even if our hearts are wild.