We all have at some point questioned the meaning of life. Whether it's to conclude there isn't meaning or there is, the questions have no doubt crossed all our minds. But what about not life?
I guess lately, I have been grappling with the fear of death. As my consciousness expands, in keeping with the trends of our time, so too does my awareness of my breath, my heartbeat. The fear of finiteness of my body and the very hands that write this. One day this body will cease to function and with it the physical me that is me in this life will go with. And what a thing that is. Everything that you know to exist will cease to be at some point and therefore living is total courage. Living is to know and to learn an experience and to master it optimally only for it to suddenly end. How selfless of every living thing then to carry on existing when it knows that one day, it just won't! Even the potential prey of a lion knows to fear a lion because it knows that the lion can cause end to his existance. Yet even this prey strives to live, to bloom, despite its inevitable end. So no matter what living being you are, you know that living is temporary, yet strive nonetheless with immense courage to give it your best, when death is the outcome anyway.
Why the morbid topic? Because there is a part of me afraid of death. Afraid of not existing- afraid of not being courageous enough to live fully. Meditation even makes me fear because it forces so much attention on my breath and then in its very essence causing complete attention to the nature of my finiteness. The acute attention to my signs of life, immediately make aware of how vulnerable I am, a small body, in a great big universe. It brings me to the present moment - to the epitome of courage that NOW I am alive. And what matters is now. Because in a temporary world nothing else exists. And so I need to remind my fearing self to come to the present, and sit here courageously!
my wild heart ❤